This post is by our Waiting Child Director, Jenni Johnston:
Our home is about to be open to foster kids. I keep going back and forth between being super excited and super depressed about the whole thing. I’m so excited to see what God has in store for our family. I’m excited to see the miracles and lives changed forever because we gave God our YES. We didn’t give God our “super pumped up, I want to change the world!!” YES. We gave him our “fine, I guess… since things didn’t play out our way” YES.
2013 has been my nightmare.
Starting in 2011, I began begging my husband and God for a little girl in Russia, who had HIV. I had seen her picture and knew she was my daughter. It took 11 months of me crying, praying, and yelling for my husband to feel the same way. Those were some bad months! I began to see my husband as the obstacle in my way rather than the love of my life. We ended up in marital counseling… Not my best moment. The problem was, I KNEW, without a doubt, she was my daughter. I no longer could focus on anything else.
March 2012: My husband came home and said God changed his mind. We started the process and got to meet our princess on November 26, 2012. It was AMAZING.
She and Josh bonded. She was so proud of her new father!
When it was time for us to leave we promised her we would be back for court in a couple months. She cried and said she would wait for us.
By the end of December there were rumors about US/Russian adoptions being banned. As the weeks passed it became a reality. I was a wreck! There was some time where we jumped through hoops making flight arrangements, getting more medical work done for court, paying waaaaayy too much money for last minute visas, thinking, and praying that we would get special treatment and get finish our adoption because we had met our child. We fought publicly, trying to get the American people to care.
I spent the early part of 2013 so stressed that I was physically sick. Then I moved on to being angry with God. After all, HE chose when to change Josh’s mind. Why did HE wait sooooo long? During those months, when I made it to church, I would stand with my arms crossed mocking HIM, taunting HIM, and throwing temper tantrums. All the while, knowing what HE wanted me to do next… FOSTER CARE.
I honestly don’t know how or when Josh actually agreed to fostering. It was always something we were going to do “in the future… down the road, when our kids were older, when we had a bigger house, more money and time”. But, I began taking steps to make it happen and it all just fell in to place.
We are now almost to the year mark of meeting our daughter. (We are still fighting for her.) But now we are about to jump off a new cliff into the unknown. The scary waters where we are just saying, “Welcome!” We don’t know the age, gender, special need, or even how many. We don’t know how long they will stay or if they will be newest Johnston. We gave God our YES even though we have no clue what the heck HE is up to. We are heart broken and excited. Will I be able to handle more children on top of my three children? Can I handle more children from hard places while dealing with the one I already have and fighting for another one?
I don’t think God cares what YES you give him as long you give it.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author alone and do not necessarily reflect the view of each and every staff member at Project HOPEFUL. Thank you for following along through our Adoption Awareness Month series! For more information or if you have specific questions about any post, please reach out to us at firstname.lastname@example.org