Adopting from Russia: The Davis Family Story

A Guest Post by Tesney Davis~

Two and a half years ago, my husband, Greg, and I began praying for God to do whatever he wanted with our lives. Adoption became something that he was showing us he wanted for our family. We began to pray about adopting a child with special needs. Greg and I have a lot of experience with children who have special needs. It seemed like a natural fit for our family. As we prayed, God opened our eyes to children with disabilities in orphanages across the ocean in Russia. We started our adoption journey of a child with Down Syndrome. We were given a referral for a child in Russia and awaited our invitation to go meet him.

Eight months later, as we neared the finish line of our adoption, one of the family members in Russia stepped forward to adopt the child for which we had been given a referral. We were devastated when we received the news that the child we had planned to bring into our family was no longer available for adoption. We grieved hard. Although heartbroken for our own loss, but God showed us that we were following him, and his ways are perfect. We knew we still wanted to adopt.

Shortly after losing our original referral, we received a new referral for a four-year-old boy with Down Syndrome named Kirill. We were more guarded with our emotions this time, but we had no doubts that we should commit to this child. We had to re-file a lot of our paperwork because of the change in referrals and regions of Russia, but our commitment to this child was not something we took lightly and we gladly did whatever it took to bring him into our family.

Then another piece of devastating news arrived from our adoption agency: a tragic story of an adoptive mother sending her child back to his country alone on a plane with a note pinned to his shirt had hit the media…and the child was from Russia. We were told this was not good and that our adoption could be delayed indefinitely. Adoptions in Russia came to a screeching halt. Kirill’s region stopped processing adoptions for eight long months. The judge refused to accept any Amercian adoption cases until an official treaty was signed between the United States and Russia.

Even though we wouldn’t be able to finalize the adoption in court until the treaty was signed, we were allowed to go visit Kirill and sign our official petition to adopt him in August 2010. We fell in love with him during our visits. This was our son.

During that time, we were told by our in-country facilitator that Kirill would be the first child from his region EVER to be adopted with Down Syndrome. A birth mother keeping her child with Down Syndrome is unheard of in this area of the world. Adoptions of children with Down Syndrome just don’t happen there, these children are literally hidden away from society in orphanages and mental institutions. As our process continued, it became apparent that Kirill would be a pioneer. If our adoption was approved, it would pave the way for other children with special needs to be adopted from this region.

Then, a miracle happened around Christmas and the judge in this region suddenly changed her mind and began processing American adoptions again. We were elated.  Could this be the light at the end of a very long tunnel? We were finally granted a court date-March 17, 2011. St. Patrick’s Day…a lucky day! Our son was coming home!

March 17^th arrived, and as we sat in the courtroom and suffered through five agonizing hours of difficult questioning, we were not prepared for anything but an approval of our case by the judge. Two doctors, two social workers, and the Minister of Children’s Services all made very strong statements on our behalf. They fought for us and for our son, Kirill.

But when the ruling was read, the judge said, “Your application to adopt is rejected.” The basis given was that Kirill was “not socially adaptable” due to his “medical condition” and he was better off in an institution than in a home with a family. As the judge read her ruling, she stated several times that we were a good family, that we met all the criteria to adopt a child, but that she would not approve our adoption because Kirill had Down Syndrome and his “level of backwardness” made him unfit for any family. She told us that we could adopt another child, because legally our application had no problems according to Russian adoption law. She said she would approve our adoption for a “typical” child, but not this child. Why? The only reason? Because he has Down Syndrome. Even though we were approved by our home study agency and by the USCIS to adopt a child with special needs. It made no sense whatsoever. Denying a child a family because he has Down Syndrome is a violation of human rights at its most basic level!

We appealed to the Russian Supreme Court in Moscow. Within two months, we received our Supreme Court date to appeal our regional judge’s decision. May 24, 2011, we stood before a panel of three Supreme Court judges and argued our case. We were told by our lawyer prior to our hearing to expect the worst. The best case scenario was that they would allow us another hearing with a different judge in our region, but that they would not overturn our original judge’s ruling. That meant we would have to wait for yet another court date.

But God is still a God of miracles. As the prosecutor in our hearing stood and read his opinion, that we should not be allowed to adopt Kirill, my heart sank. I just knew it was the end for our hopes of Kirill becoming a part of our family. Then a miracle happened: the head judge stood up and read his ruling. “the decision of the regional judge is OVERTURNED by the Supreme Court of Russia”. I didn’t hear much after that except that Kirill’s name was legally changed to “Gregory Kirill Davis”. I was too overwhelmed with emotions as I thanked God and started hugging everyone in the courtroom. We had been told to keep our composure because the Russian Supreme Court was very formal and serious; emotional outbursts would be perceived as weakness and we couldn’t show our feelings. That went out the window when the ruling was read and we celebrated in a flurry of tears and thanks to God for the miracle he had just performed.

We have been home almost 19 months with our son. I still get overwhelmed with emotions when I think about the miracle God performed. Kirill is thriving. He weighed only 19 pounds at five years old when we arrived home in June 2011. Now, he weighs 45 pounds and has grown 19 inches. He had severe problems with his sight and hearing; both have been corrected. He had numerous infections and gastrointestinal parasites. Those have all been treated and he’s healthy and happy. He goes to school, has friends, and we love him with all of our hearts. We cannot imagine our family without him. He brings us great joy and we are so proud to call him our son!

We love the people of Russia and it breaks our hearts to hear of the recent move to ban adoptions of Russian orphans by U.S. citizens. I am a member of several adoption groups and have a large network of fellow adoptive parents who have adopted children from Russia. Every single family I know LOVE and CHERISH their children from Russia.

Although there have been cases of abuse and neglect of children adopted from Russia, this is an exceptionally rare occurrence. These people are not the norm and they should be punished for their crimes.

To deny children the opportunity to have a loving family is a violation of human rights and a horrible crime against humanity. Thousands of children will face a lifetime in an institution instead of loving families if this law is passed. Please stand with us and contact your government officials to voice your opposition to the ban on Russian adoptions by Americans.

Join Project HOPEFUL’s staff in signing this petition to oppose the ban on Russian adoptions HERE. To read more on this story see this BBC News story

I slept with a girl…..and I didn’t catch HIV.

A guest post, by Jenny Clark

She is four years old. Her name is Leah Grace and she is the daughter of my friend Deb (the one I just went to Africa with). She contracted HIV through no fault of her own. She takes her meds every day like a good girl. Because of those meds, and the love of her family, she is a perfectly healthy normal little girl.

While in Uganda, I wiped her snot, drank after her, shared food with her, helped her in the bathroom….all of the things I would do with my own daughter. About halfway through the week we had some friends come and stay with us for a few nights, which caused us to have to do a little shuffle of the sleeping arrangements. I am no stranger to having kids in my bed and all up in my business while I sleep, so I didn’t think twice when Leah Grace wanted to bunk with me.

But then right before I fell asleep, 1987 came back to haunt me ……for a split second.

What if she has a stomach virus and throws up on me during the night?
Is HIV present in urine? What if she wets the bed?
She got a cut on her nose today…what if it opens up while she is asleep?
  

The truth is sometimes ugly, and I really don’t want to admit it…..especially since I am on staff with Project Hopeful, and our whole objective is to shine light on the facts about HIV and to advocate for children who live with it.

But then I realized, that if I KNOW the facts, and 1987 still crept in to my mind for a split second, how would my friends react in the same situation? How would I have reacted a couple of years ago?

Please friends, for the sake of this sweet girl and so many others like her, educate yourself!

Here are the fact about HIV…..most of them are very straightforward and the only thing you can do with them is read/understand them and help educate others……

….but 2 of these facts are things we can CHANGE…..YOU can change….right now…..today………….can you find them? Will you?

You NEVER have to fear contracting HIV through casual contact with an HIV+ person.

 

HIV has NEVER been transmitted in normal family living conditions. Never.

HIV FACTS

#1: HIV is spread in three main ways: Sexual contact, IV drug use (through the sharing of dirty needles), and mother to infant (through pregnancy, birth or breast feeding).

#2: Medications called ARV’s can mean the difference between life and death. Children who receive treatment are expected to live a normal lifespan.

#3: HIV is not found in sweat, urine, feces, tears, saliva or snot. It is found in blood, semen, vaginal fluids and breast milk. While HIV may live for a short while outside of the body, HIV transmission has not been reported as a result of contact with spillages or small traces of blood, semen or other bodily fluids. This is partially because HIV dies quite quickly once exposed to the air, and also because spilled fluids would have to get into a persons bloodstream to infect them.

#4: You don’t have to fear catching HIV through day to day activities with people who are HIV+. You are free to share plates, cups, utensils, food, toilets, towels, linens and other household items without risk of transmission. –American Academy of Family Physicians

#5: Today, HIV is considered a chronic, but manageable disease, much like Type II Diabetes (though Diabetes cannot be transmitted).

#6: If a pregnant mother does not receive medical treatment, there is approximately a 30% chance she will transmit the virus to her child. By treating mother and infant, doctors can reduce that rate to approximately 1%.

#7: A persons HIV+ status is protected medical information. There are US laws in place to protect the privacy of individuals living with the virus. There are also laws to protect citizens from being discriminated against because they have HIV/AIDS should they decide to disclose their HIV status.

#8: Social stigma is perhaps the greatest challenge an HIV+ individual will face.

#9:  A persons viral load is the amount of HIV found in their body. Through the use of HAART treatment it is possible for a patients viral load to become undetectable in laboratory tests. Having an undetectable viral load does not mean a person is cured. It simply means the medications are working to prevent the HIV virus from replicating within the body.

#10: In 2009 the Kaiser Family Foundation conducted a study titled “Survey of Americans about HIV/AIDS” which found that levels of knowledge about HIV/AIDS had not increased in the US since 1987.

#11: Families should use universal precautions whether or not someone in the family has HIV. Kids should be taught not to touch anyone’s blood anyway! This enables them to offer assistance to injured persons in a safe and healthy way.

#12: In the West, HIV is now considered a chronic illness rather than the terminal disease it used to be. Sadly, this isn’t the case for those children infected with HIV who are living in resource-poor settings, where 50% of infected and untreated children are not expected to live past the age of two.

#13: Today, 6,500 people will die as a result of AIDS. 6,000 of those people will leave children behind. Those children will join the already 15 million children who have lost parents to this treatable disease. (note: HIV is NOT AIDS. Patients receiving treatment for HIV (with ARV’s) can be expected to live long healthy lives without ever developing AIDS. In the U.S. ARV’s are readily available, however this is not the case in most developing parts of the world)

#14: There is no reason to fear that a mosquito or other insect could transmit HIV from one person to another through HIV-infected blood left on its mouth parts. Studies conducted by the CDC and elsewhere have shown no evidence of HIV transmission from mosquitoes or any other insects–even in areas where there are many cases of AIDS and large populations of mosquitoes. Lack of such outbreaks, despite intense efforts to detect them, supports the conclusion that HIV is not transmitted by insects.

#15: There are no documented cases of HIV being transmitted during participation in sports. The very low risk of transmission during sports participation would involve sports with direct body contact in which bleeding might be expected to occur. If someone is bleeding, their participation in the sport should be interrupted until the wound stops bleeding and is both antiseptically cleaned and securely bandaged. There is no risk of HIV transmission through sports activities where bleeding does not occur.

#16: No incident of food being contaminated with HIV-infected blood or semen has been reported to CDC. Furthermore, CDC has received no reports of HIV infection resulting from eating food, including condiments. HIV does not live long outside the body. Even if small amounts of HIV-infected blood or semen was consumed, exposure to the air, heat from cooking, and stomach acid would destroy the virus. Therefore, there is no risk of contracting HIV from eating food.

#17: Many scientific studies have been conducted to examine all the possible ways that HIV is transmitted. These studies have NOT shown HIV to be transmitted through air, water, insects, or casual contact.

On Disclosure…

A guest post by Suzanne Mayernick

Josie will turn SEVEN in February.  It is so hard to believe.  

We will forever be dealing with the stigma that is attached to HIV/AIDS.  There have been many children with HIV adopted through Josie’s story.  While it brings a smile to my face, it also fills my heart with sadness.  

Many of the families that have gone to bring these children home are not willing to disclose that their children are positive.  While I COMPLETELY understand the fear that accompanies what your child might endure because of the virus ( I feel the fear also, thankfully, Christ carries that burden on my behalf)  If we are not willing to walk the journey and bring light to the darkness that accompanies it, then Christ is not glorified in the capacity that HE could be.  Which in the end, just adds more stigma.  

This is a VERY controversial subject, one that I really struggle with deep down.  The past several years I have encouraged these adoptions and maybe haven’t done my due diligence in preparing hearts on how to deal with life and not fear once you get these children home.  It saddens my heart.  

It makes life harder with Josie because there are MANY “positive” children in the US now, sitting in the infectious disease doctors offices all over the nation, not willing to take a bold stand on behalf of these children and educate  others on the virus.  If their parents are not willing to educate, encourage, and enable then who will be their advocates?  Why not just hand it over to Christ and walk in the light?  No lies, no secrets, just living out your faith walk that HE has given you to show who HE really is, each and every day.  

Is it hard? YES.  Does it make you more dependent on Him? YES.  Does it free your family up to live out LOUD the journey that HE has given you? YES.  Does it release you from the fear that Satan  has you bound in? YES.  Does it make my heart ache that fear overrides Christ? ABSOLUTELY.

Meet Tesney Davis, Director of Education for Project HOPEFUL

Deanna Jones of YouParent met up with Tesney at the Together for Adoption Conference 2012. Get to know her heart for Special Needs Adoptions and Project HOPEFUL’s vision of educating, encouraging and enabling families and individuals to advocate for and adopt children with a wide range of Special Needs.

Vote for Project HOPEFUL on Cultivate Wines Causes

We are so excited to announce that Project HOPEFUL has been chosen as one of Cultivate Wines’ newest causes!

Cultivate is giving away $100,000 per quarter to non-profits via a democratic voting system. The winner will receive $50,000, and the five runners-up will each receive $10,000. To vote, you can either register or login through facebook. Once you’re logged in, you will have 1 vote per day. So be sure to come back and vote for Project HOPEFUL again each day! Use this link to vote: VOTE NOW

We’re sure you can imagine what this much money could mean to Project HOPEFUL’s ability to fulfill our mission toEducate, Encourage, and Enable families and individuals to advocate for and adopt children with HIV/AIDS and other of the MOST OVERLOOKED children for adoption!

Please consider printing off our Get out the Vote reminder card and placing it in a place you will remember every single day from May 1 through June 30.  Every vote is going to be absolutely crucial! Also, every time you vote, would you please tell all of your contacts and ask them to vote, too? The power to multiply votes with these very simple actions is enormous!

Here are the rules:

1.  You must be 21 years old to vote.  If you aren’t, ask your friends/family who ARE.

2.  NO gifts; contests; give aways.

3.  You must sign in using a FB account to vote.  If you don’t have one, would you consider registering for one just for the next 60 days?  You can take it down thereafter….

4.  Absolutely no use of voting companies who do all the work for you.

Thank you so much for your help and support!

All for ONE!

The Project HOPEFUL staff
ProjectHOPEFUL Vote Reminder card

HIV/AIDS Adoption: Teen Selah Twietmeyer Gives Her HIV Adoption Testimony

In this powerful new interview, HIV/AIDS Infected teen Selah Twietmeyer, daughter of Kiel and Carolyn Twietmeyer tells how she was adopted from Ethiopia into her family and talks about disclosure.

“I am not ashamed and not afraid to tell the Truth”, says Selah. She also tells how stigma and misinformation about HIV/AIDS effected her while she was still in Ethiopia, before she knew she had a family who loved her. An incredible testimony!  Please share this message by reposting this link http://youtu.be/sRxDRzZxDbI .

Encouragement for the Single Adoptive Mother: It doesn’t mean parenting alone.

Hi. My name is Deb Steiner and I’m a single mother.

These are the words I never expected to say, but sometimes God’s plans aren’t ours. Most of the time, actually.

I always knew I would adopt. Both of my brothers are adopted and biracial. So from an early age, I dreamed of having a big and multi-cultural family of biological and adopted kids, even requesting the black Sunshine family dolls when I was a kiddo.  But that wasn’t God’s plan for me, at least not yet.

Instead, I went to law school, zipped off into a career as a Federal Prosecutor and then became a lawyer with Big Law. While I’ve dated, some might say “a lot”, God hasn’t brought my husband. Yet. In my early thirties, my mentor and friend encouraged me to adopt; I called her crazy. The thought couldn’t have been further from my mind. I wanted children – sometimes desperately – but I didn’t think it made sense for me to adopt since I was single. Until I turned, well, about 36. Then God started speaking to me. Loudly. It was a bit of a scary time for me and rather than breathe a word to anyone (family included) I bought books and started reading. I read everything I could find about single adoption. There are some good, pragmatic, books, but nothing in the Christian literature section. (Hmm. I wonder who will resolve that )

I struggled with questions about whether God would want me to proceed in such a radical way. I wondered if my friends would think I was nuts. I asked myself how I would manage “alone.” I wondered if any man would pick me after doing something so “stupid.” In short, I asked myself every question under the sun. So when I let my family in on it (Christmas 2006) I was ready for all of their questions. They couldn’t ask me anything I hadn’t already asked myself. Even their hard questions…. been there.

So in 2007, I signed up for one of the required adoption education classes. You know, just to see how it would feel. Ha! By the end of March I had applied to adopt and by mid-summer, I was completely approved. My agency (Adoption Link in Oak Park, Illinois) started showing my profile to birth moms in August and just a short month later, Seth’s birth mom chose ME.

I want to press pause here because I think a common concern of singles is that, in the face of couples, why would a birth mom choose a single prospective mom? I don’t have the answer, but we cannot know the minds of anyone else, including pregnant mothers. Our birth mother (a young, African-American girl) was presented with married Caucasian couples, married African-American couples, and ME. She was adamant from the beginning that she wanted me. Her mom even challenged her and still, she wanted me. Anything is possible!

Six weeks after I was chosen, Seth was born. A complete and total blessing. It wasn’t until a couple of months later that I knew Seth had issues — largely relating to his eyes. As it turns out, he has hypo-plastic optic nerves, nystagmus, strabismus, and a host of global developmental delays. This from my perfect no-drugs, no-alcohol, prenatal care from the get-go son. God certainly had different plans for me! Better plans….

And three and a half years later, God did it again. In the midst of pursuing a second domestic adoption, I met Leah on a mission trip to Uganda. And God spoke. “She is your daughter,” He said. Um, impossible. She’s HIV positive and I don’t “do” HIV positive. In fact, I had said as much. Repeatedly. Adamantly. Out loud. Even in the face of already having a special needs child, I said ,”No.” And God said, “Too bad.” Leah came home in November 2010 at two years old. A second blessing to this single mama.

I’m here to tell you single folks that you can do this too. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns (is any parenting?) but it’s so worth it. We have our share of hard days and pray for our husband/daddy all.the.time. But I don’t for one second regret the decision I made — with God’s council — to walk this road. In fact, I wish I had done it a lot younger! I don’t know what God has for us. Maybe I’ll be single forever. Or maybe not. Either way our family is God-made and we spend our days living for Him, just like our married friends.

Practically speaking, I’d encourage you not to think about doing it “alone.” I certainly don’t do it alone. I work full-time. My kids have teachers and Sunday school teachers and nannies and baby-sitters and grandparents and friends. It takes a village for sure and we have one. So do you. Just spend some time identifying who they are and go for it! Children around the world and here at home need YOU. And trust me when I tell you, you need them too.

Last, you are not alone. There are increasing numbers of us to support you, pray for you and who GET IT. Here are just a few single moms…. all with different life journeys and all parenting alone: Me (www.chosen-1s.com); Lisa Bushman (http://little-did-i-know.blogspot.com/); Meredith Bowen  (on Facebook); Jenny Mo (http://mojennymo.blogspot.com); and Tracy Siler (www.silerhappenings.blogspot.com) (Names/blogs used with permission)

Deb Steiner is on the staff of Project HOPEFUL as our Single Parent Liaison. She is going on a mission trip to Uganda this summer. Follow her journey at http://andsoweserve.blogspot.com/

Orphan Advocacy takes Project HOPEFUL to the White House

We have so much to share with you about our recent trip to Australia to take part in Together for Adoption Australia 2011, and that post will be coming very soon.

But first we want to share with you one very exciting thing that happened while Carolyn was in Australia: she received an invitation to participate in The White House National Adoption Event, Nov 28. And not only to attend, but to PARTICIPATE and present on “the unique challenges facing orphans with HIV/AIDS, and her experience as an adoptive mother” on their International Adoption panel.

It is such an honor  to have this opportunity to advocate for children on a national level. Please be in prayer for Carolyn this Monday and for her preparation and travel this weekend for this very important event.

Together for Adoption Australia 2011

Project HOPEFUL is two short weeks from bringing a message of life and hope for orphans to the continent of Australia. Dan Cruver has written an excellent article about why we are partnering for this important event at the Together for Adoption Blog.

This is a crucial message that Australia needs to hear. Please join us in prayer that the Truth Pandemic would have a monumental impact on the people of Australia.  Please also pray that all of the funds that we need in order to send our volunteer staff members would be donated in time for us to leave.  If He has led you to give to this important event, please go to http://www.projecthopeful.org/donate , choose the General Fund and put NOVEMBER in the comments box.  Thank you for your prayers and support!

Australia 2011 from Tamara Loveing on Vimeo.

Meet-Up Monday: Meet Laci Zacapu, State Associate for Washington

Welcome to this week’s Meet-Up Monday post.  This week we head to the Pacific Northwest to meet Laci, our State Associate for Washington.  Be sure to leave a comment and say hello!

PH: Laci, would you please tell us how you first heard about Project HOPEFUL?
LZ: I met Carolyn Twietmyer in Ethiopia while we were there for our first adoption. Selah was with her and was so sick and I just remember being worried she wouldn’t be able to make it home. I started following Carolyn’s blog when I got back to the states so I could check on Selah’s health and that’s where I learned about Project HOPEFUL.

PH: How did you develop an interest in HIV advocacy?
LZ: I became interested in HIV advocacy after bringing my daughter who’s HIV+ home and being treated very badly when a group of people found out about it. I realized that when people don’t know the TRUTH about HIV, they will fear it and where there is fear sometimes there is a lot of anger. I wanted to join Project HOPEFUL in spreading the TRUTH.

PH: Could you share with us your own adoption story?
LZ:  In July of 2008 my husband and I went to Ethiopia to pick up our daughter who was 9 at the time. While there, we met her family including her older biological sister who was HIV +. I hate to say it, but I was actually relieved her sister was not available for adoption then because I just “knew” there was no way I’d ever adopt a child who was +. I thought I’d be putting my other children and myself in danger.
After about a year of being home though, I just couldn’t get her off my mind. I’d followed Carolyn’s blog and seen how healthy Selah was now that she’d been home and was receiving lots of love and good medical care. And I thought just maybe adopting a child with HIV might not be such a dangerous thing after all.

We prayed and God made it clear that this precious girl whom I’d feared because of her HIV was my daughter and we needed to bring her home. Of course we searched the internet and spoke with doctors and other adoptive parents and the more we found out about HIV the less of an issue it became. My daughter has been home a little over a year now and is happy, healthy and thriving. I cannot imagine our family without her.

PH: What about Project HOPEFUL are you the most passionate about?
LZ:  My daughter told me after a few months of being home that after we brought her sister home to America she was very sick in Ethiopia. She wondered why we hadn’t gone back for her. It was so hard to look into my daughter’s eyes and admit that fear of HIV had been the reason she was sick and alone for so long.
I am passionate about Project HOPEFUL and the work they do because I don’t want any child to suffer through life sick and without a family soley because of people’s ignorance about HIV. I love being a part of spreading the TRUTH in love so that children like my daughter can be brought into families where they too can thrive.

PH: What do you want your fellow states-people to know about HIV adoption?
LZ: That there is no reason why children who happen to be HIV+ should be waiting for a family just because of their status. That HIV is absolutely NOT easily spread or a threat to anyone living in the same house under normal circumstances. And that once you’re child is home, the HIV becomes such a non issue you’ll wonder why you ever worried about it in the first place!

Thank you, Laci! We love your passion for the TRUTH!
If you’d like to contact Laci about events in Washington, you can contact her at hopefulinWA@gmail.com .  To find an associate in your state, visit http://www.projecthopeful.org/state-association .